Seeking for A Renaissance

Just before I started working, I wrote Sensibility of Life to remind myself how to face hardships... More of my ability of facing hardships though. I'm blessed I'm not alone handling all the bullshits.

Never really thought of posting any more entries...

I have a bad habit of reading past entries from time to time so if I'm trying to move forward, not recording daily happenings would be the best way. Simply, I just want to live everyday to the fullest, be it a happy ending or not, it is still the well blend of the sweet & the bitter. If a human can't be honest & genuine to acknowledge own emotions, that'll be pathetic.

I've been thinking a lot since the journey of coming back from Bangkok with my mom. I knew I made a wrong decision & this acts as a trigger to seriously contemplate about my lifestyle. I can't right the wrong. It's time to make a change. I don't want to tell anyone about this path & I don't need to... because everyone around me would be able to feel or to see every bit of changes.

What kind of changes I'm referring to, I'm figuring it out... I hereby list it down for my own reference, to stick to my own promises:

1. Join a gym

I always dream of regaining the exercising regime that I once had during Uni years. As my team goals get cleared in Jan, I'll manage to plan it properly. I remember I start my dancing classes since 5. I would love to learn new dances if time ever permits.

2. Re-manage my finance

Depending on my salary next year, I'll either choose an investment insurance or a bigger portion of saving for better assurance & security that no one on earth can ever offer me. I'm so fucking scared of insufficient funds for any emergencies, like all those disastrous nightmares & burdens encountered at 20.

3. Pick up on painting

Started drawing & painting learning since 7 until 14 plus regular self-practicing sessions during secondary school days, I can't help but to recollect all the memories related to this art. Now I realize how much colors mean to me. The sense of peace & warmth... I miss it so much. Enough said.

4. Travel on my own

Just wanna experience observing people, taking random photos of pedestrians along the streets. Just put everything aside, think nothing, look & feel what's going on around us.

5. Scalp treatment

This is at the top of this list. Wanna begin the treatment ASAP so my scalp problem can be appropriately treated & healed, hopefully it's not too late. You know... when you have some loose cash to do something for yourself, especially something that you yearn to do for a long time, you wouldn't hesitate to invest to make it work. Can't afford to delay it anymore though, so I shall start this first amongst all.

That's all about it I guess.

Sensibility of Life

This entry sums up my job-searching process that'd happened between Oct 21-Nov 13

but it had been saved as a draft since Oct 30

"Life is so short to wake up in the morning with regrets

So love the people who treat you right

Forget about the ones who don't

And believe that everything happens for a reason

If you get a chance, take it

If it changes your life, let it

Nobody said life would b easy

They just promised it would be worth living."

(Unknown author)

This quotation touched my heart

Immediately I felt that it may be what God wants me to understand especially the

5th & 6th lines

I've never really been in such situation...

not knowing what's the right path to choose

There seems to be full of choices & opportunities

but I surrender my life to Him

I know my plan may not work out well

since He may have arranged a more suitable one

I tell myself to wait for His message patiently

as I've been very dissatisfied & disappointed of myself for always not being an obedient child

who audaciously tries God

It's a difficult decision to reach at

as I habitually tend to embrace autonomy & independence

& free from external influences, whenever possible

I've got so scared that I may fail His tests

Yet when I did face some

I didn't blame Him for putting me into troubles

I stayed calm & thought about solutions

Surprisingly there wasn't any "true" solution

Faith is the key

It was because there was Him in my soul that I could deal with hardships

I proudly acclaim that I finally successfully have faith in Him

& have Him to be my sole Decision Maker WITHOUT doubts

And I asked "how come I turned to be this way?"

Somehow I just feel that He's leading me

that He's listening to me

that He's a true Savior

... and all these are feelings that are novel but uplifting to me

Somehow I feel it's the time to

Let Go & Let God

-- When you take a chance & wanna make it right but the process isn't smooth

That's the signal His wants to hint you that other options are there for you

He knows what's the best for us

Why opt for something that's not meant to be yours?

Why go for the route which's harder to travel?

Why still stay in despair & helplessness when He has reaching His hands at you? --

I know...

not many hearts can understand Him

I believe...

I don't need to understand anything about Him doing some ways but not others

I just...

trust Him

Same goes for the TNS Research Exec position...

I wasn't expecting this offer

I thought I would take the PR Exec

Both are the biggest global companies

Both base at KL

Both pay really well

"Which is the one?"

Painful & confusing job hunting process...

TNS called me & I went for the 1st screening through a few tests

Prepared it last minute

so I assumed it wouldn't turn out great

The HR however gave me surprises

asking me to stay with them & not applying other jobs

She assured that I'm the best "quantitative"-type candidate

"Are you really giving me this job?"

I'm asking in my heart

The experience was invaluable & unforgettable, anyway

At the end of the session

I felt that it was the right choice

I felt that my potential would be completely expanded

& what I'd learned during college would help me

I don't get anxious & stressed anymore

Hardly could I sense any burden

neither did I step stumble upon impediments

I'm contented with current life

& I'm growing anew each day

What all I want is to stay close to Him

& let Him fulfill me

I promise myself that I shall play my role well

that in me, you see His grace & miracles

... and this is my ultimate happiness

May every soul be enriched, be blessed always

A Big Thanks to Lord!!!

Lord, if I'll be accepted into TNS with high pay great benefits

I think You too, would know what kinda changes You've made in me

that for every step I grow

I'd write everything down & praise You high for Your love to me

You know what I can do & what I can take for challenges

You know I hardly can trust anything/anyone else but You

I'm very delighted that when I got turned down by the Datacom job

I didn't get mad with You

Instead my heart told me that there's of course a better choice

I'm not sure why I felt so

but I still believe in you although the whole plan couldn't be taken anymore

I'm still waiting... waiting for your plan to be fulfilled in me

In Jesus name I pray, Amen ; )